Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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