THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
