Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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