I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
