What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
