he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
