just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
