Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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