There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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