I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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