no, he came in my armpit
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Bring me that man meat
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
