When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I intend to get homeless drunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
