guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
