I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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