ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
