She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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