would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
