Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
