I'm really into asian looking animals
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
