The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
