ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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