I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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