So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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