I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
