two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize