New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
