a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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