I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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