Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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