well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
