i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
