Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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