Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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