So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You're like the curious george of whores
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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