how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So vagazzling was a success
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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