i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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