It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
