I'm going to jail i love you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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