Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
