guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
