I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
