If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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