so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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