Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
