I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
