I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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