last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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