I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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