You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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