4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
