Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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