I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
