i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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