Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
