Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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