what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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