the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
