So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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