He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
