yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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