you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
