At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
