Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My feet surprised me
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