the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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