I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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