He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
