I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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