There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
