if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Randomize
