First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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