I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
