I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
