I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
