shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
