Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize