found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
