i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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