Whoa Z and x make the same sound
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
