Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
